social media slut shaming

girl,

take up space.

be loud.

be defiant.

be bossy.

be badass.

---

every so often i get a bit of cyber bullying and slut shaming thrown my way on social media.

here are some examples:

why do you only post poetry with your tits? (it's because it can't stand on its own merit)

neither the poetry nor the tits are that high quality

post more of your a cups and feel better sweetie

why do you post poems without a bra on? because you know they're not good enough on their own?

i've had my photos stolen and put on slut shaming and porno Reddit pages.

i've had guys make fake accounts on Instagram pretending to be me, writing captions that proclaim how "attention seeking" i am.

the list goes on.

over time, my opinion about it (+ reaction to it) has changed. i used to let it get under my skin. i used to get angry, nervous, sad, insecure.

is that what people think of me?

do my friends/family think i'm a slut?

if i was prettier maybe they wouldn't say this.

maybe my breasts are too small.

maybe my poetry really isn't very good.

am i ugly? untalented? a fool?

what if i look like a fool.

stop.

when i think about the thoughts those words conjured in my head i feel so sad for my former self. if only i could go back and tell her what i know now.

now when i receive comments like this, the typical wave of anger may pass over me, but it's quickly rationalized down to annoyance or impatience.

(***the picture stealing, well, that's another story. the anger over that is still very real. i don't appreciate my professional or personal photos being stolen and i certainly don't consent to being some rando's wank. )

these comments aren't a reflection of who i am.

they don't define my self worth, my value, my art.

they aren't even about me.

these guys aren't taking time out of their day to harass me on social media because they think i really need to know how small my boobs are or how shit a poet i am.

they're not here to do me any favors or help me be more aware.

they're here because:

• they want attention

• they're bored

• they're insecure

• they're under the false impression that they can take up a woman's space, time, energy whenever it suits them

• their standards and understanding of the "ideal" feminine has been formulated through porn and media

• they think insulting women is a good way to start a conversation (remember "he teases you because he likes you" mentality of elementary school?)

• they think they are entitled to a woman's body

• their patriarchal values makes them feel they are superior to women

• the idea of a free woman makes them uncomfortable, angry, and threatened

slut shaming and cyber bullying is bullshit.

there is never a time, place, or reason that makes it excusable.

show your body, free your sensuality and creativity, raise your voice - you will be harassed and judged.

cover your body from head to toe, stay silent, stay humble - you will still be harassed or judged.

if you're curvy or a stick you will be judged.

if you're smooth as a baby or hairy as a yeti you'll be judged.

don't you see?

the art isn't the problem, the judge is.

it's not about me, it's not about you, it's a corrupt, systematic, societal problem.

there is a reeducation that must take place, and i don't mean for us.

the work lays at the feet of the men that have spread the invasive seed.

it's time for them to dig.

to suffocate the noxious weeds.

to rip at the roots.

to feed the soil.

and to replant.